


On how Yamada said he disliked Nakajima and how that was a better idea than it looked like

by keichankapaana



Category: Hey! Say! JUMP, Johnny's Entertainment
Genre: Established Relationship, M/M, honestly mostly fluff, nothing really happens it's just yamajima dating take it and love it, they fight a bit i guess, yamajima - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-03
Updated: 2017-01-03
Packaged: 2018-09-09 08:59:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,911
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8884858
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/keichankapaana/pseuds/keichankapaana
Summary: Yamada is kind of a jerk and Nakajima gets pissed.





	

**Author's Note:**

> tHIS IS SO BASIC EVEN THE TITLE IS DAMN BASIC I CAN'T  
> More like it isn't even a title  
> This is set after the vsArashi were Yamada guested and leader asked him who he disliked the most in JUMP and he said Nakajima in a fucking second lmao  
> Yamada relax xd

"Honestly, Yamada, I should be punching you in that stupid, unattractive face of yours."

Yamada somehow manages to both instinctively cover his godlike face and look offended at the same time. "My face is _really_ attractive," he groans.

"Okay, yeah, it is," Yuto gives up. At least he looks like he's softened a bit. "But I should be punching it anyway!"

Still fearing his perfect features could be damaged in the process, Yamada takes a step back. It's not like he's that in love with his face, but he really has to work and having bruises won't help. Well, and he's actually pretty in love with it, but who isn't? "Come on, Yuto, there's no need to get that worked up..." he complains, but he can't meet his eyes.

" _No need_? You went on TV to tell the whole country about how much you hate me!" He doesn't look angry anymore, but kind of sad and really done with Yamada's bullshit.

"I didn't say that!"

"Oh? I sure thought so when they asked you who you disliked the most in JUMP and it didn't even take you a second to say my name..."

Yamada sighs and runs a hand through his own hair. "I meant to say that we have that kind of rivalry, you know?"

"Do we?"

Yeah, that's probably just something Yamada makes up in his head because his boyfriend is too hot and talented and someday society is bound to notice and forget about him. He thinks about it for a moment, unable to meet Yuto's eyes, but he ends up realizing he should say something. "I had to give an answer," he tries.

Yuto's face tells him that won't work. "You could've avoided the question!"

He's right. Yamada doesn't really have anything to contradict him, so he keeps his mouth shut.

"Why didn't you?"

Why didn't he? Honestly, the name had just slipped out, but he feels like saying that could hurt Yuto even more.

"I don't know," he says softly. _It's not like we meet or talk that much, either_. But he doesn't want to make it worse right now.

"Look, if you dislike me that much just break up with me," he hears Yuto's voice say, soft and hurt.

"No!" he blurts out. He doesn't even think about it and it takes less than a second, but it's honest and desperate and it makes Yuto's eyes find his almost immediately.

"No?" He looks so confused, like he didn't really expect Yamada to care at all about their relationship.

"No," he repeats, weakly. "I don't want to."

They stare into each other's eyes for what feels like an hour, and for some reason Yamada feels like Yuto understands. Like he's also thinking about how much they've fought for this, how they've forced themselves to keep meeting even when they were so stupidly busy, even when Yamada was so tired he couldn't stay awake through dinner. Yamada has even started napping whenever he has the time to make sure he's at least half conscious when he finally gets to see his boyfriend, and he knows Yuto has been doing an insane amount of running around and changing schedules to adjust to his. They look at each other and he knows what they're both thinking, he knows they don't want all their efforts to go to waste. But Yuto looks so defeated, like he's been questioning what they have for a while and this one thing's delivered the final blow. He looks like he can't take it anymore and Yamada doesn't know if he can ask him to.

"Does it matter?" Yuto says, so softly, his voice cracking. "We just meet and fuck anyway, and other than that we don't really see each other, or you just ignore me."

"I don't-" He has to stop because he knows Yuto's right. Maybe that's why that answer slipped so easily from his lips, that _Nakajima!_ he didn't even have to think about. They haven't been what they had lately. They don't have that connection anymore, and they have to hide their relationship from everyone so they can't ever show affection. But that's not the only reason. He just doesn't really feel like going to talk to Yuto when he's with JUMP, not anymore. He reminds him of 14-minute power naps and dinner dates fighting to keep his eyes open. He reminds him of incredibly expensive cabs back home at 5 am because their relationship is way too loose for commitment, and they can't even say they love each other so living together has just been out of the question so far.

"Look," Yuto continues, and Yamada is so impressed he finds the strength in him to do so, even though he can see pain dancing beautifully in his eyes, "you don't have to do this if you don't want to. You don't have to love me back, you just either do or you don't."

It takes him a second to analyze the sentence. "Did you just- Does that mean-" He takes a deep breath. "Yuto, do you love me?"

He's so tired, his voice is cracking and he's pretty sure he's about to burst into tears, but he doesn't care anymore.

Yuto blinks a few times, like he doesn't understand. "Of course I love you," he replies, his expression vulnerable, and it hurts Yamada to see him like that. It hurts because he's so handsome, talented and good, and he doesn't deserve to be with someone who makes him feel so insecure about himself.

"I didn't know..." His own voice sounds lame, and the fact that he can't say it back immediately makes him think he's probably the main reason they're in this situation to begin with.

"I've told you like... A million times now. I thought you just chose to ignore me."

Then it comes back to him. The texts full of heart emoji he used to send him, that one time he called him _love_ like it had just slipped out, so naturally, how he always said he cared so much for him, he'd take care of him forever. He realizes all those started to slowly disappear as their relationship went on, probably because Yamada never said them back. He feels so stupid.

"I'm so sorry," he mumbles. "I didn't think... You never _said it_ said it, so I thought it'd be stupid if I did... I didn't think you really loved me."

Then Yuto takes control, steps closer and pulls him into a hug, slowly running his hands through Yamada's back and hair. It makes his chest feel so much lighter, because he can't go on with this conversation anymore without crying, not until he's sure Yuto isn't mad at him anymore. "I love you," Yuto whispers, and Yamada knows he's been an idiot for thinking that was the only way to say it, for waiting for these exact words instead of seeing how his boyfriend tried to tell him.

And yet it doesn't come out, and he wonders why. It's just three words but they feel like a lot of commitment, like he's giving himself to a man he hasn't been able to speak honestly with for the last months. He's never said it to anybody, not like this, not so seriously and heavy and meaningful. He's joked about it with members and he's had his fair amount of cheesy lines in dramas, songs and concerts, but he's never meant it. It's never felt like it'll change his real life -the one outside of TV- the exact moment he says it.

He takes a deep breath, feeling Yuto's arms around him, warm and strong, and he thinks about it. Thinks about how this whole thing started off, how beautiful Yuto had looked the first time they kissed, sweaty and blushed and tired after a concert, but his eyes sparkling brighter than any lighting, his smile wide and cute and everything Yamada could've ever dreamed of. He gets comfortable against Yuto's chest and tries to remember the feeling of wanting to see him at all times, of never having enough of him, of wondering what he was doing or when they'd meet again. Weirdly enough it hasn't become an unfamiliar feeling, it isn't even distant. He's been thinking about Yuto non-stop lately. He's missed him like crazy, and he's worked his ass off just to have some time with him, even knowing it'd be uncomfortable and eventually turn into meaningless sex. He feels like crying.

"I love you, too," he finally gathers the strength to say, and he feels his boyfriend's chest slowly fall as he lets out a relieved sigh.

Yuto doesn't ask for confirmation. He doesn't question his words or make him repeat them. For some reason, Yamada knows he's felt exactly how heavy they were, how much of himself was poured into finally saying them. He doesn't know if he'll be able to say it again, and he's sure he won't be displaying his affection as much as Yuto does, but saying it once felt so necessary, so meaningful, and now it's like they're both on the same page for the first time in ages.

Yuto's long, thin fingers brush his cheek softly, ever so slowly, and there's still a hint of insecurity in his touch, like he isn't really sure of what they're doing yet. It makes him look up, and their gazes lock with something Yamada can't describe without being too cheesy to feel comfortable, something he thought they'd lost somewhere along the way. He drowns in Yuto's deep eyes, in the way he looks at him like there's no one else in the world he'd rather be with. And yet he looks so surprised when Yamada leans in to kiss him softly, his lips barely brushing the younger boy's, and when he quickly pulls away Yuto has the most beautiful smile on his face, so shocked and happy and pure, just too cute.

"Move in with me," he hears then, and he doesn't even have to think about it, because he knows this is what he wants. Because they've created something even more important now, and if living together will help protect it then there's nothing else he'd rather do.

"You move in with me," he says instead, to lighten the mood, because he's already so tired of not being themselves. "Your closet isn't even _nearly_ big enough for my clothes."

Yuto laughs softly and it makes him feel so much better than anything else would. "That'd probably do you some good," he comments, "you can't possibly wear all of those anyway. You'd need much more than a lifetime!"

Yamada doesn't know what to say, because he's probably right but they both know that won't stop him from buying more and more every season. "You can wear them," he ends up offering.

It's weird because he hasn't even thought about it twice, but it feels like so much commitment to be suddenly living together and sharing clothes, and he doesn't know if Yuto was ready for that, if he'll be uncomfortable with it. But Yuto laughs it off. "They're too tiny! I'm sure you'll be the one borrowing my sweaters..."

It makes him smile that Yuto is taking this so naturally, like it's no big deal, like living together is just the obvious thing to do.

"Don't call me tiny, you Titan! You can say goodbye to all your sweaters now!"

**Author's Note:**

> I feel so disappointed with myself that the title of this is unrelated to food I honestly hope this is the last time


End file.
